I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
