He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize