I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You can't just leave with hair like that
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
