I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize