Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
