Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
