My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
