I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Buhtt sex?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
