im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
