careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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