the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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