Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
