At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
