Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
