is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
