It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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