i love accidental penises.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize