I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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