u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
