did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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