Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
3 2 1 whiskey
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
