So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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