i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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