scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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