im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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