i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
