Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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