He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize