I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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