I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
