i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
