my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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