I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
