I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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