i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
