Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
