I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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