My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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