I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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