just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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