i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
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Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also, beer. Big fan.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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