Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
