Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
