I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
