a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
