Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
