**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
