ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
