If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
