You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
