Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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