no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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