:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
