she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
