Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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