Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
