I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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