tell your sister to shave her snatch
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
