Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
