she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
