If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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