I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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