true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
