I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
