we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
