Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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