I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize