I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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