In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
