BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
