two words: eviction party
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm like, not good at living.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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