So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
