Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
