Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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