my sisters under your porch take her home
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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