I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think a kid would responsible me up
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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