Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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