maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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