I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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