I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
